This past month has been the longest, yet shortest at the same time. I guess no sleep will do that to you. It has been a challenge, an adventure, a nightmare, and a dream.
It's challenging learning exactly what to do with a newborn, especially when he does his shrill high pitched God awful scream.
Clean diaper? Check.
Full belly? Check.
Sufficiently burped? Check.
Fighting sleep? You know it.
Gassy? More than you know.
So why are you screaming?
And then he passes out 30 seconds later. I would love to know what is running through his head.
Even though we don't leave the house much, adventure is everywhere; and so is the unknown. Is this diaper just wet? Or is there more waiting? Will I get peed or pooped on at this diaper change? When will he spit up again? Will I actually have on real clothes that will then have to be immediately washed?
Postpartum hormones and new mama anxiety make everything a nightmare. I ask Tay a million times a day: can he breathe? Is he choking? Is he still breathing? Should his poop look like this? What is this? Is this a rash? What type of cream should I use? Should we be holding him more? Should we be holding him less?
And then there are times that I don't question anything and my anxiety seems to disappear. And my baby boy turns into this sweet snuggly little creature that can't get enough of his mama. That's the highlight of my day; when he nudges around my neck and falls to sleep with his mouth wide open.
And when he does this, he contorts himself into a little ball. No lie. He pulls his legs all the way to chest and curls his neck down. I even tell Tay, "If you pick him up and he's in a ball, give me the ball. I love the little ball!"
He's more alert now and seems to be taking everything in when he's awake. His eyes dart around the room as if he's searching for something, probably a nipple. When one of us is gone and then returns, the minute he hears one of our voices, he starts searching for it. And then when he sees one of us for the first time in 5 minutes or 5 hours, his eyes light up. Folks, that is awesome.
I still can't believe that we made this awesome little guy. And that he's the one who was constantly kicking my bladder and my ribs at the same time. He's an absolute marvel.
Y'all, we made dis. And now I need a million more.
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