I've been debating/thinking about writing this for a while, but I always stop myself. When I initially wrote Henry Wallace's birth story, I kept it light and fun and spared some details...If you haven't read that post, here's your chance: The Birth of Henry Wallace
I've always been a fairly rational person, until I became pregnant. Then I become the most irrational person you could ever imagine. I go through every single pregnancy scenario and continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. And then once we cross into the point of no return, I immediately go into every single delivery scenario and still pray for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. And google becomes my best friend/my worst enemy.
Does it make me a bad person if I want the delivery to go a certain way? Of course, I want baby to be taken care of, but I want my needs to be addressed as well. Does that mean I'm selfish? I don't think so. I think only a few women get to experience pregnancy and labor and I intend on relishing in it...I honestly enjoy pregnancy and delivery (up to a certain point)...the ring of fire, that is all.
With Henry Wallace...my doctor only listened to ONE request of mine, and I had 3. And they weren't crazy requests y'all, they were totally normal and most woman have this same "birth plan."
Request 1: NO C-Section unless absolutely necessary
Request 2: no episiotomy unless medically necessary
Request 3: immediate skin to skin and nursing
This time around, I've voiced these concerns to my new doctor and pray that he can make this delivery more of an "enjoyable" experience for me...not that labor is enjoyable, but mama's who have been there, you know what I'm taking about. You want to be present. You want to remember every detail...you want to share your labor story with anyone who will listen. Your husband is tired of hearing you say you were stitched up with NO medication and begged for it, but the doctor continued to stitch while you cried and tried to get a glimpse of your baby on the other side of the room.
The goal of labor is to deliver a healthy baby, but what about a healthy and happy mama? And what about her recovery? Most women have one postpartum checkup at 6 weeks. I had three separate checkups in the first 6 weeks after delivery due to the episiotomy, multiple additional tears, and the blood pressure that wouldn't go down! At my last checkup, my doctor told me, "I can't even tell you've had a baby!" Wait, I'm sorry, what? I mean, that's a hell of a compliment, but let's be honest...there's no way of NOT knowing I've had a baby..I pee when I sneeze most times, I've most definitely had a baby!
I think about my labor and delivery with Henry Wallace and something was missing. It was a beautiful experience in which I met my son, but it didn't go as planned. And I said up front, I didn't have a plan, and I didn't. Most women have the same "birth plan" I have listed above, and most of them are able to live it out, but we weren't..and it makes me endlessly jealous of woman who have a "normal birth" if there even is such a thing! After he was born, he wasn't placed on my bare chest for skin to skin. We didn't get to nurse right away. He was immediately whisked to the other side of the room and surrounded by an amazing NICU staff who had to intubate him. All the while, I'm just sitting there, wide open, being stitched up, Tay's sitting next to me, and our baby is in the corner. Hell, I didn't get to see Henry Wallace until he was about 30 minutes old. Everyone got to hold him before I did. I'm sitting there; not seeing my baby, not hearing my baby, not holding my baby. I know with a nuchal cord and a meconium delivery that everything goes out the window, but I pray that this delivery will be different. I pray that I don't have to be induced (pitocin makes it feel like your uterus is being RIPPED from your body and it NEVER ends), I pray that the cord isn't wrapped around baby's neck multiple times. Most of all, I pray for healthy.
I also pray for a more successful breastfeeding relationship with our 2.0. After having Henry Wallace, my lochia wasn't terrible and only lasted for about 7 days, I was lucky! But sadly, my period came back 4 weeks postpartum and my supply suffered tremendously. Feeding on demand, pumping all the time when I was working, even throughout the night so Tay could feed him in the morning, nothing was helping my supply. I fought hard, so damn hard to ensure that Henry Wallace got breast milk for the first 3 months of his life (and by some miracle, he did!) I started drinking more water than you can even imagine, made a dozen different lactation cookies, tried every supplement imaginable (and smelled like maple for weeks!), and even got a prescription to help increase my supply and nothing worked. I've read those stories on Pinterest and "Breast is Best" websites that say most women don't have low supply, they just aren't dedicated...really, then what did I have? Lack of commitment? No dedication? Nothing could get my supply to where it needed to be to sustain Henry. So I pray that I am able to do at least 3 months for our 2.0, if not longer.
This time around, we have decided to deliver at the hospital that my Tay works at. Most people would be scared of delivering at a small town hospital as opposed to the large baby factory where we had Henry, but I'm excited. I have a doctor who listens to me and squeezes me in when I have inane questions, yes he laughs at me, but I'd take that any day! I have a doctor who literally lives right around the corner, who I see at Wal-Mart every so often and who knows and calls me by name and has promised NOT to take a vacation in June or July so that he delivers our 2.0. So yeah, I think we kind of won the lottery with him.
All of that to say this, it obviously must not have been that bad or either I'm just really stupid for doing it all again so quickly or I have mama amnesia, but I just can't help it. Henry turned out so cute, I need more. I need more snuggles, more kisses, more bath time fun, more sleepless nights...I need it all. And I'm secretly hoping that July gets here quickly! I have also learned that you can plan whatever you want. Nothing ever goes according to plan! The goal is happy and healthy mama and baby.
I can't wait to do it all again. Now enjoy these pics of the day he was born, I'll be crying in the corner if you need me :(
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